


Days Like This

by tonysta_k



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Depression, M/M, Mental Health Issues, OCD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 16:24:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5672518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonysta_k/pseuds/tonysta_k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because believe it or not, mental health issues aren't 'cute' or 'poetic'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Days Like This

Days like this meant not getting out of bed. They meant knowing that there was things to do but not wanting to do them. Short sparks of motivation could be found but then they'd turn to brushes of frustration because Gerard couldn't leave his bed. No matter how much he wanted to.

  
Clothes were all over the floor. Cups covered his desk and empty food wrappers could be found everywhere. Everything was unorganised and wrong. It triggered Gerard's OCD but he couldn't do anything about it.  
Gerard's depression worked like gravity. It pulled him down and kept him to the bed - made everything feel heavy and like the smallest action wasn't a possibility.  
Nothing helped when he was like this. His meds made him want to throw up and any ‘advice’ off anyone didn't have an affect on him. He took it in but it was all just blurry to him.

  
Not even Frank helped him when he was like this. It's bollocks what they say in stories, to Gerard at least. You don't just feel better because your partner is with you. You don't suddenly feel like everything is great because they brush some hair behind your ear. When Gerard’s like this he won't let Frank touch his hair - it's greasy and disgusting. Sometimes Gerard won't let Frank touch him at all. He doesn't want to feel his hand on his back or his lips against his forehead. He doesn't want to curl up to Frank. It all feels likes too much. Gerard feels too much.

  
The most Gerard lets Frank do is get him some water. But even then Gerard doesn't have the energy to drink it. It'll just sit on his bedside table until Gerard feels the grip of his depression has loosened and he can actually allow himself a drink. When the water runs over Gerard's chapped lips and soothes his dry mouth, he's glad that he's been able to do at least something today. However his depression will sink its claws back in and suddenly Gerard's lost the small spark of motivation that was starting. His limbs feel heavy and he wants to sleep.

  
Depression has never been beautiful for Gerard. It isn't ‘tragically poetic’. It isn't being comforted or having heart to heart conversations. It's about how his mind has a illness that acts like a barrier. It's about wanting to get out of bed and do something but not physically being able to.


End file.
